Stop asking me about Waffles when i am talking about Pancakes…

So I was scrolling through my comments on a post about gender-based violence and how women are forced to develop vigilante systems to protect themselves from their abusive husbands, and a comment stood out to me like a sore thumb. Something along the lines of “Why are you only talking about women? What about men?” I know EVERY woman who has ever fought for and raised awareness on women’s issues has gotten this at least once.

I swear, at that moment, all I could think was “WOW. HOW PROFOUNDLY STUPID ARE YOU ?” It reminds me of the Pancakes-Waffles twitter argument.

What is this argument, you may ask?

Well let me explain. Picture this:

Me: I love pancakes. I could eat pancakes every day.

Commenter: So you hate waffles?

Me: …What ?

Commenter: Yes. You didn’t mention waffles. You’re invalidating waffle lovers.

Me: I… just said I love pancakes. I eat pancakes every day. Pancakes are my thing.

Commenter: Exactly! You hate waffles!

And I’m here like, okay… I just… like pancakes? And now I hate waffles? That’s literally how it feels when women talk about the things that overwhelmingly affect us, like gender-based violence. Just because we’re talking about women doesn’t mean men’s experiences vanish into thin air. It just means we’re talking about what we live and see EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.

And you know what’s so funny about this category of monkey degenerates from hell (yes, i have taken a liking to calling them that. It’s funny and it aptly describes them)?

For so many of them, the only reason they bring up the “what about men?” argument is because THEY ARE TIRED OF HEARING YOU ADVOCATE FOR WOMEN. Yeah, I said it. They may not like me saying it, but I said it.

And here’s a thing. Sex work. Every single conversation I’ve seen about prostitution automatically assumes we’re talking about women. Women in the sex industry. Nobody, literally nobody, is out here saying “Wait, what about male prostitutes? Why can’t we talk about male sex workers?”

Almost every conversation about prostitution is centered around women. Nuances exist, but society just assumes it’s female by default. And yet, the same people who scream “what about men?” when you’re advocating for women’s issues? They never show up for this conversation. They don’t care. They just want to derail when the attention isn’t on them.

They’re tired of you advocating for women because it makes them feel… left out in a weird, twisted, narcissistic way. You know how fragile that male ego is. Disgustingly fragile. If the attention isn’t on them the way they want it, they lose it.

That’s why every time you talk about violence against women, there’s ALWAYS a man coming in with his “wHaT aBoUt MeN?”

He doesn’t actually care about male victims. He’s not out here advocating on any other day. He is not doing the work or creating awareness on male victims. He only remembers them when he sees women talking about their harsh experiences. He only wants to shut you up, make you uncomfortable and stop you from talking about women’s very harsh realities that MEN are responsible for.

Talking about women’s experiences forces him to sit with some truths he doesn’t want to sit with. Maybe he’s guilty of some of the things you’re talking about, maybe his friends are. Maybe he just doesn’t like being reminded that the world doesn’t revolve around him. Maybe he doesn’t like the constant reminder that the gender he comes from is the one overwhelmingly doing all these bad things. Maybe he is ashamed of that fact and because nobody taught him how to properly channel and communicate those feelings, he lashes out on you and tries to deflect from the truth. That lack of emotional intelligence always shows up. But sha sha, whatever the case may be, the fact of the matter is that he’s uncomfortable, and instead of sitting with it, he tries to derail you.

So let me be very clear: I am NOT going to stop focusing my advocacy on women. Not gonna happen. Women are the ones marginally affected, meaning, yes, it happens to men too, but it happens to women MORE. And until it becomes an equal issue, I will not treat it as an equal issue. I will not be a “humanist” for an issue that clearly requires me to be a WOMANIST/FEMINIST. Hate that all you want. Call me selfish. Call me hypocritical. Call me whatever. It will not change my mind and it will not make me shift my advocacy from the group that needs it the most, which is WOMEN.

And that’s the problem a lot of these MDFH(Monkey Degenerates From Hell) have. They want to pretend it’s equal. But doing that? That doesn’t solve anything. It just neutralizes it, makes it easier to ignore, and prevents actual progress. It removes the sense of urgency to tackle the issue.

The point of their comments isn’t to find solutions. It’s to derail. To distract. To minimize. To downplay. Saying “men also suffer” doesn’t help anyone. Who does it help? What does it solve? It doesn’t even help the male victims.

And you know what the kicker is for me? Focusing advocacy on the people most affected eventually benefits everyone. Let me give you some examples.

Black Lives Matter Movement: It focused on police brutality against Black people, but the reforms also protect white people and other POC.

HIV/AIDS advocacy in the 80s and 90s: It initially focused on gay men, but straight people benefited too from treatment programs and awareness campaigns.

Child marriage and girl-child advocacy: It focuses on the girl child, but it has led to laws like the Child Rights Act in Nigeria, which protects ALL children and not just the girl-child. Key word, CHILD RIGHTS ACT not GIRL CHILD RIGHTS ACT. See how advocating for a group that’s marginally affected also ends up benefiting the groups not marginally affected?

Marital rape laws: Focusing on women’s experiences led to broader reforms in other countries that protect all spouses. In countries that actually have laws against marriage rape, the laws are gender neutral, even though it was feminist advocacy that brought about the reform.

Workplace sexual Harassment: Women led the movement for the change and for an introduction of a reform that protected workers from workplace sexual harassment. You, as a man, are able to be safe in your workplace, because WOMEN fought for that safety for themselves.

The pattern is clear: focus on the people most affected, and everyone benefits.

So yes. I am unapologetic about focusing on women. Tackling the larger problem benefits everyone, and that’s exactly why we start there.

The next time someone tries to gatekeep your advocacy, remember the pancakes. Remember that you don’t owe anyone justification for speaking your truth. Talking about your reality isn’t erasure of someone else’s experience unless it’s that the only time you talk about your experience is when you want to make someone guilty for talking about theirs. If someone really cares about male victims, they can do the work themselves. And if they complain, just give them syrup and tell them to make their own waffles

Because sometimes, the comment section is just a really weird breakfast argument. And yeah… I’m sick and tired of playing that game.

Until next time. Toodles🫶